Dear mouse,
You must have heard already about the
Runaway Bride that baffled many for what she
did in order to avoid being hitched
forever to her fiance. Baffling but
not strange.
Compiled by Harvey Barkin, here are
some selected strange loves that you
can read from this newspaper.
The best wedding any guy could ever
go to is a Nasamonian ceremony. All the
male wedding guests are invited to make
love with the bride as a matter of courtesy.
The Ca t sez: Instead of kiss the bride...
its F..ck the bride.Kabaliw.
In pre-communist Russia, the apple
was a sex sign. Nothing biblical, really.
When a couple got married, the peasants
tied an apple by its stem to the honeymoon bed.
The string connecting the apple to the bed was
thrown over the lovers’ window where a hushed
crowd waited expectantly.
A sure sign that the lovemaking had begun was
the motion of the apple. If the apple swung or
shook vigorously, the crowd cheered at the
robust quality of the lovemaking. If the apple
broke from its stem because of violent tremors
from the matrimonial bed, the earth moved for
the honeymooners and the peasants found
the epitome of the Russian bear.
The Ca t sez: MGA TSISMOSO.
In feudal Japan, the Samurai sent the bill
to his wife after enjoying the services of a
courtesan.
The Ca t sez: KABWISET
Louis XII of France annulled his marriage to
Queen Jeanne because “she was excessively ugly.”
The Ca t: Hmm reminds me of someone.
Henry VIII of England played cards during
his first night of marriage to Ann Cleves
because she had body odor. B.O. was brought
about by excessive sweating when she was nervous.
The Ca t: WALA PANG ANTIPERSPIRANT
Marie Antoinette and King Louis XVI were
in no hurry. They consummated their marriage
seven years after their wedding.
The Ca t sez: ALA eh, KATAGAL NAMAN.
Cesare Borgia (1475-1507) was the victim
of a most cruel joke. On his wedding night,
a prankster substituted laxatives with his
normal medication.
Frustrated was the foremost of the
Hapsburgs. In the middle of the 10th century,
he had to get drummers to imitate thunder
while the servants on the roof poured water.
You see, Mrs. H was a moody wife who did not
like making love unless it rained.
The Ca t sez: KAARTE naman. hmph.
Doesn’t matter if the bride was a virgin
or not to men in ancient Rome. After the marriage
ceremony, she ran home and sat on the statue of
Mutunus Tatunus. He is the Roman god of sex and
fertility. After sitting on Mutie’s mythical
endowment, the bride was ready for the real thing
from her groom.
The Ca t sez: WALA NG ARAY ?
In English King Canute’s time (1016-1035),
adulterous women had their noses and ears cut off.
The Ca t sez: MAy narinig ba akong Aray?
To be continued...
The Ca t
2 Comments:
during the time of the Crusade, when the Knights Templar gets married and goes to meet the Saracens in battle, they will order the local balcksmith to make a girdle (chastity belt) that will be worn by their wives to ensure that the woman will not be doing it with another men while they are away in battle. the men are the only ones who has the key. There are women who die of infections because of this chastity belt that became rusted. Stainless steel is not yet discovered that time and of course, What if the husband dies in battle and the husband has the ONLY KEY to open the Chastity belt..... Aruyyyyyy Kalisud!!!!
kainis naman yan. paano pag punta sa bath.
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