StrangeLoves 2

Dear mouse,

Continuation of the compilation of Harvey Barkin in this newspaper.

1. An old British custom was to throw the wedding cake at the bride so that she would be fertile and blessed with luck.

The Ca t sez: Parang pie-throwing. SPLAT, SPLOINK. Yon pala may kasamang bato. TOINK.

2. In northern Siberia, the women are said to throw slugs at men whom they think are cool dudes.

The Ca t sez: BUTI HINDI UNDIES.

3.In old Greece, a Spartan who didn’t get hitched by age 30 lost his right to vote.

The Ca t sez: OWENO ?

In 1288, a Scottish law fined a man one pound if he refused a woman’s offer of marriage during a leap year.

The Cat sez: Mura naman.

4.Some guys never forget their lady love. King Edward VII drank champagne only from a glass molded exactly to his first mistress’ bosom.

The Ca t sez: Ano kayang shape? Arenola?

5.Louis X made love to Maria Leszcynska seven times on their first night and he told the graphic account to Premier Duc de Bourbon. In 1499, servants applauded Cesare Borgia making love to Charlotte on their honeymoon night.

The Ca t sez:Hindi kiss and tell, f...k and tell.

6.And then there were guys whose only love was to sell their wives. In Medieval Europe, many guys sold their wives for the very valuable . . . pepper. Understand this: in A.D. 476 to A.D.1453, people usually cooked rancid meat (no refrigerators, hardly any salt in the continent and most had to hunt to get meat) and only the rich remedied the situation by cooking the awful meat in musk, violets, roses, primroses and hawthorn flowers. But no spices. In the 1700s, an Englishman pawned his wife for a quart of gin. In 1803, an Australian bartered his wife for six bushels of wheat and a large pig. In 1832, Cumberland farmer Joseph Thomson sold the wifey in Carlisle market for 20 shillings and a Newfoundland dog. Another Australian bought a wife for £5 cash and a gallon of rum. Brides in the United Arab Emirates could cost up to $50,000. So some Arabs outsource their wives.

The Ca t sez: May nagbenta ng asawa sa e-bay di ba?

7.Some guys would really go to greater lengths just to satisfy their women. The Malays of Borneo used ampallang. Meaning, they perforated their penises with brass wires spread out at the ends. The poor ones used bamboo; the rich ones, ivory or silver rods with metal ball endings. The Bataks of Sumatra, disliking the feel and look of a TV antenna for their private part, wounded their penises and inserted layers of stones instead. When the wounds healed, a monster was born supposedly for the greater thrill of their women.

The Ca t sez: Ano raw?

The Ca t