Sunday, July 13, 2003

This blog is not abandoned. Dear Mouse, I did not realize the burnout not until the smoke got into my eyes. I simply wiped the eyes and took a piece of paper to make another plan. I am a workaholic Mouse, and a perfectionist too. A project that I undertook as a part and parcel of my Grand Plan for my life suffered a bump. After voluminous papers, phone calls and consultations, my expectation did not come to realization because there are some individuals who do not care to go beyond their check and file tasks. I cannot use a stronger word than STUPID and I do not want to use more derogatory word other than SH… I can blame my family’s stickler for moral uprightness for my inability to use an F word…There, I let it go. Haaaaaah I hate being a combination perfectionist and cliffhanger at the same time. Naah Mousey, I am unlike that detective who would straightened out crookedly hanged portraits, re-arranged furniture and wiped spilled liquids on floors, but I am already bordering to the thin line of obsessive-compulsive personality. I found out that 1. I can only leave the house color-coordinated, blue pants, blue jacket and blue shoes with matching blue socks. Blue disposition sometimes. I wished I had blue blood and blue eyes. 2.I can only leave the bathroom after checking if the sink is smudge-free, the bath tub without hair a-swimming in a tiny pool of water and the cat-night light, on. 3.I can only leave my bedroom when the bed linens are straightened up, computer turned off and you mouse are safely lying on your stomach in my comfy-cat-pic pad.. So you may ask me WHAT”S THE PROBLEM, CAT ? The problem is, I am also a cliffhanger personality, Mousey. What is a cliffhanger, you may ask? A cliffhanger is a personality who thrives on last minute frenzy-adrenaline-pushed energy to meet a commitment. I need the pressure to perform. I realized that I have never outgrown the cramming practices of reviewing before exams when I was a student. Using the mnemonic device to spare me from agonizing tasks of memorizing long terminologies and historic events, I passed the exam easily. It is not the same in real life, Mousey. So there is the conflict. A perfectionist-cum-cliff-hanger working with allergic-to-detail type of personality spells unharmonious work environment causing burnout. A person who cares deeply for people close to them most likely suffers a burnout when there are issues that need to be addressed but are left uncommunicated. The burnout may be in the form of a simple cough, a headache or a sudden falling in love with the bed sheets anytime of the day. It is a burnout when you swear that you never want to see someone again or you burst into tears watching a comedy Miss Congeniality or you easily freaked out even at the sound of the ringing telephone. It is a feeling that nobody can help you because you do not know how to tell him or her what the problem is. It is only the person who is suffering the burnout who can smother the flame. Before attending the Christening, I decided to take a walk while waiting for a store to open. I saw a lady wearing a short short pants showing her cellulite in her back thighs and a tattoo of roses with thorns. She must be feeling beautiful with this skimpy attire that she did not care of the less than 50-degree temperature. She must be feeling a burnt-out too. She dealt with it in her own style. A homeless approached a tourist with his scripted pathetic begging style; showing a few pieces of coins and singles and mentally computing the loose changes that he needs to be able to get a fare ticket going home. He is not a burnout -case He was totally engulfed by the fire and left him charred to the bones. Ahhh… A baby nibbling her mother’s hair while joyfully enjoying a bumpy ride due to her mother’s bouncing walks, is a beautiful sight especially when she smiles even to a stranger like me. The innocence of a baby gives warmth to a cold heart. The CAT


Post a Comment

<< Home