Thursday, February 27, 2003

What's funny? The CAT thinks

Dear Mouse,

My brother Nes regularly sends me jokes or funny stories. Yesterday, it was not funny. He sent me a KISS (Keep ideas smart and simple). The cat thinks something funnier.

(1) Flies or bees bothering you? Spray them with hair spray and they will take a quick dive.

Cat thinks---Bees will come back with their Queen Bee for a hair do while flies come back with goggles and masks. hehehe

(2) Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed. (hmmmmmm...)

Cat thinks - hmmmm not recommended for postal employees...hmmm and nosy parents

Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.

Cat thinks-Not a good idea for “tabo” using ladies. Ask no more.

(4) For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dishwashing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze.

Cat thinks - Not unless, the warm water freezes before it is mixed with the dishwashing liquid.

( 5) Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda.Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).

Cat thinks—better enroll the kids in art class.

(6) Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!): rubbing alcohol on paper towel.

Cat thinks-women should not use the brand B paper towel. It will give them Popeye- like muscle in the arms.

( 7) Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads, I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throw away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. And now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get sharpened this way!

Cat cannot think..kablammmm

(8) Opening brand new jars can be a feat in itself. Well, I have found a way to make it the easiest thing to do. Instead of banging a jar of jam, pickles, etc.,with a knife until it loosens up, I simply reach into the drawer and pull out the handy nutcracker. It adjusts to the size of the jar and I simply give it a good twist and off pops the lid!

Cat thinks- To crack the nuts, use the can opener. hehehe

( 9) Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time!

Cat thinks - Not recommended to Dracula. He will spend a great deal for the hydrogen peroxide.

(10) Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.

Cat thinks - Use genuine vinegar only. To test the genuineness of the vinegar, immerse your jewelry. If it turns black, the vinegar is pure. If it does not turn black, the vinegar is fake.

(11)Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on. Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.

Cat thinks- Lauren, Calvin Klein, J.Glow ?????? A bottle of scent costs a fortune. I rather use mothballs for my dresser drawer. When I put on my clothes, moths will stay away, even friends too..

12) Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.

Cat thinks—As if the ref is not full of weird stuff for school lab specimen. Label them.

13) To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!

Cat thinks,-yum yum..Can I add pepper too.?

14) To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.

Cat thinks-good for 4 servings.

15) Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains. (Key Word: Tupperware)

Cat thinks-use cheaper food containers.

16) When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Cat thinks – call the dough boy.

17) Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

Cat thinks-Do not forget the celery after weeks.

18) When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.

Cat thinks-when eating the corn, put salt.

(19) Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Cat thinks-Do not throw away after use. Good for grilled fish. Yuck.

(20) Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. (...leftover wine??)

Cat thinks-Keep out of reach. Tea on the rock may result in intoxication at home. Dangerous.

(21) Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.

Cat thinks- Effective only if the ants are not too drunk to crawl out of the line.

22) When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.

Cat thinks-A good substitute for deep-penetrating BIORE with an ouch.

23) Now look what you can do with Alka- Seltzer.

Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets,wait twenty minutes, brush and flush.

The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China. Clean a vase.

To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.

Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.

Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).

Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.

Cat thinks- I’ll take it. Burp.

Quotation of the day

Life is like a box of candies, throw out the candies and make use of the box. -CAT (mwehehehe)

The Ca t