Makeovers

Dear Mouse, I just rearranged my furniture. It remained untouched and unmoved for a few months now. Atypical of me who is a frustrated interior designer-forever-dwelling-in-the-past-fantasizing-that-I-am-a-very-in-demand-snobbish –artist-that can-transform-a garage-looking- living room into a gorgeous sitting room. I always indulge into this pastime for the following reasons: 1. to direct my rage to something constructive; 2. to restrain my outburst;and 3. to release that monstrous energy that can bring out the Hulk in me. It is a nice feeling to be able to hurl the throw pillows (they are for throws anyway) to the wall where shadow of a gigantic ficus plant casts a shadow resembling a face of the person who has caused the fury. As I threw away unnecessary bric-a-bracs in a big thrash bin, I imagined that it is not trash I am tossing –it is my anger. Lest some readers would think that my creative juices only flow when I am provoked or when my bp inflate the sphyg’s balloon or when I feel like kicking a ball, I have to clarify that it is not so. This time, I rearranged my furniture because I feel like doing it. The truth is.. I have that uncanny feeling that I want to pick up the TV set and dump it in the trash or break its screen with paper weight made out of lava from the Clark Air Base. I feel like saying…stop it stup….Arghhhhhhh arghhhhhh. There, I let it out and my receiving room looked elegant with a big E. I have been watching these TV shows about makeovers. Room fix ups cum renovations by a)some families who allow other families to redecorate their houses with the help of some handymen; b)to completely transform a house into something different-but-nevertheless-showcases-the homeowners personalities-(Phew)while they were out and c)conspiracy between a member of a family and a guest designer whose portfolio is never mentioned throughout the one-hour show. There was one episode where the “designers" re-upholstered an expensive white leather couch and a sofa with cheaper checkered fabric to match the room décor that converted an otherwise plain, clean, simple black and white sitting room into multi-colored four walls iwith exciting mix and match of furniture that acquired that look that they are being used and not merely props of a room showcase. If the guy who showed extreme surprise when ushered to the newly renovated room was really happy to see how favorite room morphed into a pub-in-the-attic where he can watch his favorite programs, I cannot tell. But one man in another segment practically pursued the truck that was on its way to the charitable thrift shop shouting that he brought that monstrous looking icon from one of his Asian sojourns. That is one thing I like in the reruns of the Nanny. The couch in her parents’ house resembled those of the plastic-covered mohair upholstered sala set in typical Filipino homes in towns where the modern lifestyle of living is slowly invading some OFW households. Given the chance, these self-acclaimed designers are going to dump without hesitation the said sala sets in the wood shredder . As for me, I still like my black and white color scheme. Some of my friends say they are depressing colors, so I added baby pink and a little red for my throw pillows. Stupid shows, stupid me for watching. Another is a makeover show designed to transform an ugly duckling of a daughter and an unmade-or overmade-up matron of a mother thru the help of wardrobe experts, hair stylists, make-up experts ala Miss Congeniality. But no one can deliver Michael Caine’s dialogue. “ I am damn good” when he saw Sandra Bullock metamorphosed from a macho Federal agent to a ”World Peace" mouthing beauty contestant. I know it is just a movie and Sandra is really beautiful, more beautiful than the Roberts girl. I do not know if I am going to cry or laugh as I watched the beauty expert applied a blush on with downward strokes. I will not be surprised if the “victims “ of this expert will have sagging facial muscles after months being subjected to this-non-brainer makeup application torture. I am not sure if it is a camera trick when the same expert applied the eye shadows with so much pressure on the sensitive surrounding mucles of the eyes that the eyes themselves were contorted with the pull and the push that they do in the area between the brows and the eyes.. Unnecessary stroking of these muscles may result to premature creases or wrinkles that application of foundations, eye-makeups would result into a more horrendous effect. I do not claim that I am a good dresser but the only thing that you could fault me is when I stick to color coordination like an obsessive-compulsive manic depressive personality of my favorite detective. You can make me wear a blue jeans with a white top and with a minimal accessory of string of tiny pink pearls but you cannot make me follow the advice of that wardrobe expert who seems to need an expert’s advice herself. Dressing a woman with an exceptionally big breast with a blouse top that has shirrings in them and accessorized with an equally big pendant necklace is not only outrageous but also a fashion disaster. Oh my, oh my. Am I turning into a fashion critic? I may not be a good chef but I can smell a person with a good fashion sense even if she only wears a 2.95 t-shirt from a flea market. The CA t