Saturday, February 12, 2005

My Life ---

Dear mouse,

I started getting out again--breathing the cool morning air and walking past people who are in a hurry to catch their buses.

For the past months, I like to think of my place as a womb, a protective little enclave that I can slip into and disappear from this cruel world.

My place that has been a sanctuary of lost, depressed and confused souls is now empty. The phone has long been dead except for calls from a soul mate.

I feel the grip of sadness and I thirst for my old friends and people whose lives I touched and I thought I could count on now that my defenses are at the lowest level.

Many times, I stopped this thought.

Friendships and relationships are just like investment ventures. Sometimes you win and reap huge dividends in return.Sometimes you lose including your shirt at your back. Mine was anchored on the pay forward scheme. So I thought.

But when you are in the middle of storm, you wish for someone to offer you a refuge even an umbrella or an old jacket.

You wish that somebody wrap you in his arms and give the comforting words that it will pass.

Then you get soaked and the blues just won’t get away.

The strong wind must have ripped the fabric of friendship. She does not return your call anymore. She is afraid that you may ask favors that her spouse may not approve--the Spouse who knew that you took care of her when she was ejected from her house after her live-in boyfriend left her for good.

You just want somebody to talk to.

The rain must be too strong that it caused a deluge to the memory of a person who owed you his good education only to advise you to avail of a low cost housing while he enjoys the luxury of a million dollar house in an upscale village.

You are not even hinting that you are looking for a place.

Then there are some who called you in the wee hour of the morning at the first signs of trouble in their lives.

Now, they just shut their cellphones off.

Yes, when it rains, it pours. It must have drenched the hearts of the people whom you have guided like toddlers starting to make their first baby steps . Now they are grown-ups; their backpacks filled with wordly passions and material attachments, false values like pride,vanity and selfishness and excessive ambitions to rake in more millions. They kicked you out of the business when their relatives who did not even believe that the two ventures would take off started dipping their hands in the businesses' kitties.

But there are people whose friendships you would not like to lose. There are relationships that you like to keep. They are like plants that should be placed in a shade away from the storm. Let them blossom and give out love that does not depend on whims and caprices. Let them bring sunshine to your life.

To you, God bless.

The Ca t


At 10:18 AM, Blogger Dr. Emer said...

Wag mo nang isipin ang mga taong ayaw ka nang maalala, Cath....kahit na natulungan mo sila dati. Hindi naman lahat ng itinatanim natin nagbubunga...I think the better mindset para di ka ma-disappoint is not to expect anything anymore from people. Kung me magandang mangyari, masaya kung nagkakaganito nga tulad ng sinasabi mo, eh minimized naman ang disappointment mo.

Always take care of yourself, and if you need anything, the Berks are here for you. Just holler! =)

At 10:23 AM, Blogger Dr. Emer said...

PS. I think your creative energies are revitalized when you feel gloomy or sad. I loved your drawing! Ingat, at ngumiti ka na sana. ;)

At 2:03 PM, Blogger celia kusinera said...

Life lessons are sometimes difficult and heavy on the heart. They happen to temper us, mould us to, I believe, be a better person. Don't waste your time on fair weathered friends at least alam mo na kung ano ang tunay na kulay nila. There will always be other people who will help you sometimes even coming from unexpected places. I feel you're being led to a different direction altogether ... just hope you'll keep on blogging. ;)
Hold your head up and smile my dear you are loved. :)

At 3:08 PM, Blogger Cerridwen said...

sometimes, friendship is hard. You can't be sure when to be there and when to butt out. :) I never bother freinds for anything as much as I can but I have always given out signs that I am the kind of friend that when and if you need me, for anything at all, at anytime, as much as I can and if possible for me to help - you can count on me unconditionally. :) and that goes even for strangers or new friends :)

I have T-Mobile and I can drive :P

At 8:00 PM, Blogger Pepe said...

a good deed is an end to itself. wag mo raw hanapin ang ugali mo sa ibang tao, else, u'll be frustrated. move on and cheer up...=)

At 9:21 PM, Blogger sachiko said...

I was expecting another of your funny posts and pics but what I've found is something so touching,the drawing too,so gentle.

Hope you're strong enough for these things,rejections and disappointments in life and people.Everybody get these experiences once or many times in a lifetime,it's not you,it's just part of living.


At 4:34 AM, Blogger rolly said...

I don't know about the circumstances that brought this about but whatever it is, I hope the outpouring of the heart in your blog eased off the pain. And yes, why bother thinking about the ingrates? Life has to move on. There's a full life ahead of you. You just have to stop, really look, and go ahead.

At 5:10 AM, Blogger Luchie said...

Excerpt from Phil Bosmans:
"This tragedy, this obstacle,
is a reality in every person's life"
Take care. I am sure yo can carry your cross, how heavy it might be, I am sure, at the end of the day you will be happy again.
I miss your funny posts.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger cathcath said...

to all of you with kind souls...thank you.

I dedicate one blog for you entitled " It takes a moment."

At 2:50 AM, Blogger kiwipinay said...

acheng.... sa totoo lang, hindi bagay sa yo ang serious, lam mo ba yun? ako na lang kaya sasampal sa yo? eheeheee....

wag ka ng malungkot, ache! ganyan talaga ang buhay. (ay sus! nagpayo ba!)

cool ka lang! punta ka dito at ng makalabas ka naman sa lungga mo ha?

At 6:53 AM, Blogger cathcath said...

alam ko. dumagsa nga ang mga e-mail. para raw akong si Nanny na
gusto maging dramatic star.

hindi raw kapanipaniwala.

sige na nga balik na sa regular
programming. nyehehehe


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